


Expected Complications

by Lerry_Hazel



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Drama, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mind Meld, Pon Farr, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 03:57:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7919638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lerry_Hazel/pseuds/Lerry_Hazel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post “Voyage Home”. With the crew safe back on Earth and initial euphoria wearing off, McCoy attempts to medically access the circumstances of Spock’s miraculous resurrection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Expected Complications

**Author's Note:**

> One of my older fics I was going to leave behind, because the fandom has been changed too much by the AOS. But apparently people still write strictly TOS fics, and I still like this one, so here we go.
> 
> Despite the Spock/McCoy tag I slapped on it for convenience's sake, it's purely gen with slightly ambiguous Epilogue. Pon Farr is extensively discussed, but nor described. 
> 
> Disclaimer: not mine.

**“EXPECTED COMPLICATIONS”**

 

*

**

***

PROLOGUE

 

**‘Sickbay to Transporter Room One. We have her now. What took so long?’**

 

‘I’m sorry, Doctor, but nurse Kehlibar changed her position, and it was difficult to lock on her again so close to the Warp Core.’

 

**‘Of course she changed her position, damn it, she came there to treat a patient! That is precisely why you are supposed to maintain the lock on a rescue team all the time! Brush up your emergency protocols, ensign! Now, let’s try it again. Lock on, say, Vulcan bio-signal, transport directly to sickbay’**

 

‘Doctor, are you sure Captain Spock won’t –’

 

**‘Ensign, am I to expect you question my orders when there is a real emergency?’**

 

‘Of course not, sir. I mean, aye, sir, lock on Vulcan bio-signal, energize, now.’

 

**‘Thank you, ensign.**

**‘Well, hello, Spock. How nice of you to finally drop by.’**

 

***

‘Doctor. What is the nature of the emergency?’

 

**‘You mean the alarm? Forget it, just get off the biobed. The Science division can’t possibly spare a technician to download nonstandard parameters into the system. Might have something to do with their chief consistently ignoring my requests to report to sickbay.’**

 

‘Actually, I was referring to your apparent misuse of emergency site-to-site transport procedures.’

 

**‘Merely standard post-diagnostic check-in-action.’**

 

‘No diagnostic for the transporter system was scheduled for today.’

 

**‘Nope. But ensign Iltis volunteered to run it as soon as I scheduled his physical.’**

 

‘May I inquire to what makes you so desperate to decoy me into you chamber of horrors that you are even willing to neglect Ensign Iltis’ mandatory medical examination?’

 

**‘Oh, I’m pretty sure Iltis will show up sooner or later. He’s just got his master degree six month ahead of schedule. Too much coffee, too little exercise and probably some chemical stimulants. He needs a few days to come to his senses, that’s all. It’s not like he had his body cloned from cells irreversibly damaged by radiation poisoning, and then subjected to accelerated growth due to unstable anomalous reaction. Nor did he undergo any bizarre rituals that’d been considered a myth for ages.’**

‘I fail to see how it is relevant, Doctor. I had been released from Vulcan Science Academy Medical Centre and I have been cleared for duty by Starfleet medical, after you personally conducted two examinations on our way back to Terra.’

 

**‘What I gave you - and the rest of the crew - was a quick scan with a field tricoder, just to check for time-travel issues; which, by the way, revealed that some of your dominant genes had been completely destroyed by the radiation and replaced by recessive ones when regenerating, shifting the balance of Vulcan and human DNA in your genetic code as the result.**

**‘Your physical in the Headquarters was conveniently conducted by a civil-trained physician in the very beginning of her accelerated course, who had never actually seen an alien and could only think of putting you on a biobed and comparing results with those on your medical file. Care to explain why they miraculously matched? Don’t give me that eyebrow, of course I’ve checked, I’m still your attending physician!**

**‘As for the VSA, I’ve got your epicrisis right here. It says you showed some disturbingly unstable readings, which don’t exactly correspond with either Vulcan or human or even your original hybrid parameters. Healer T’Chei actually recommends, I quote, “constant medical surveillance and full check-ups on regular basis”.’**

 

‘Since when can you read Vulcan?’

 

**‘Since my first year in the Academy, like any other officer. Well, I didn’t really get past “live long and prosper” then, but I suppose having an undead Vulcan in your head helps.**

**‘Come on, Spock, I didn’t mean it like this. I’m sorry, OK!’**

 

‘There is no need to apologize for stating a fact, even in the appallingly exaggerated manner you incline to utilize.

‘Have you retained any other skills you supposedly acquired due to close contact of our minds?’

 

**‘Well, I guess I still can run your science station quite expertly. Is that a problem?**

**‘Hey, where the hell you are going?’**

 

‘I have a theory to test. If you will excuse me.’

 

**‘Computer, lock door on my voice command only, delete Senior Officers’ override, authorization McCoy fifteen-zero-two-Sigma.**

**‘You are not going anywhere. There is something you aren’t telling me, Spock. And I want to know what it is.’**

 

 

***

**

*

 

*

**

***

PART I

 

 

‘You seem to have accessed and double-checked each of my recent medical files. I fail to see what further information you could possibly wish to obtain, but if you insist on the necessity of one more examination, you may proceed.’

 

**‘Oh, I have no doubt there is some fine Vulcan trick in your sleeve to fool whatever equipment I have here. Fortunately, I’ve known you long enough and I don’t need a tricoder to see there’s something weird going on in that stubborn head of yours.’**

 

‘I assure you, Doctor, my mental condition is adequate.’

 

**‘Is it? What about you sudden dislike of Italian food?’**

 

‘Doctor, I have only been forced to consume risotto during every extended away mission because Starfleet standard ration packs include limited variety of vegetarian dishes, none of which are Vulcan. By no means has that indicated my like of Italian cuisine.’

 

**‘That’s the point. In your “adequate condition” you neither liked nor disliked your food. You just ate whatever you got on your plate as long as it was vegetarian and unless you had better things to do.**

**‘You were willing to jeopardize you father’s health, but not to leave your post during a crisis. You refused to shoot definitely dangerous aliens in your utmost respect to each and every lifeform. And you were reluctant to take off your goddamn shirt during a physical without privacy mode activated.**

**‘You wouldn’t contradict your superior officer based on my possible emotional response. You wouldn’t nerve-pinch people around, no matter how much they annoyed you. And you certainly wouldn’t jump into a public aquarium in your fuckin’ underwear!’**

 

‘Obviously, the situation demanded – ’

 

**‘The situation demanded you to keep a low profile and let Jim charm your way past that nosy ichthyologist.’**

 

‘Marine biologist’

 

**‘Whatever. You were reacting impulsively and spontaneously.’**

 

‘Fascinating. After 11.2 years of constantly encouraging me to explore the benefits of humanity - ’

 

**‘First of all, you do understand – well, you probably don’t but, illogical as it is, I enjoy arguing with you too much to have you any other way. Secondly, teenage rebelliousness is definitely not one of the benefits of humanity. And finally, it isn’t just about you and me, it’s about natural course of actions.**

**‘Even humans don’t drastically change their behavioral patterns for the fun of it. And Vulcans, with all that fine control, are almost incapable of that.’**

 

‘Doctor, we have agreed that my recent experience was unprecedented as well as scientifically improbable. I might require considerable amount of time to regain full control of my brain functions, and for all we know that might be perfectly normal.

‘Now, would you please stop pestering me?’

 

**‘Here we go again. You are angry, and anger, my pointy-eared friend, is an emotion you claim not to possess. So shut up and let me do my job!**

**‘I mean, I still sometimes feel like I have old porridge in my head, and no-one tried to restore years of severe mental training in a few weeks on me. Fuck it, I’m not the one who returned from the dead!**

**‘Look, Spock I won’t pretend I understand what you’re going through. Much as I’m glad to have you back, I’m still not sure how it’s even possible. I know my illogical mind must’ve given your katra-thing a helluva time. I know you’d wanted Jim to be your keeper in the first place. You don’t owe me anything. If you choose to deal with it on your own, it’s OK with me, but first I have to make sure you aren’t gonna die on me again!’**

 

‘Leonard, [hiyet](http://www.starbase-10.de/vld/main.php?cmd=details&id=1748)!’

**‘Enough of what, Spock?**

**‘Whoa, and what was that about?**

‘Please, specify?’

**‘You nearly fell, dammit! No, wait, you did fall. ‘Cause there’s no way you’d grab my hand voluntarily. Go lie down, the far bed is off-line.**

**‘What exactly are your symptoms?’**

‘Doctor, I assure you, I am in no immediate danger.’

**‘Last time I heard that, you had an unknown toxin altering your blood composition. Didn’t believe you either.**

**‘I said, go lie down!’**

 

‘Doctor, I appreciate your concern, but whatever discomfort I might experience is due to what you normally defy as “Vulcan mind voodoo”. It can be corrected by intense meditation. And I am forced to note that your emotional outbursts counteract my efforts.’

 

**‘Hey, do you mean I – never mind.**

**‘I think I’ll just have to trust you on this one. Again. Make sure you do get a checkup when you finally feel like it. And I mean in this century!’**

 

‘Thank you, Doctor’

 

**‘You’re welcome. I’m still taking you off duty if I don’t think you’re getting any better.**

**‘Computer, disengage voice lock.**

**‘Are you sure you don’t need anything?’**

 

‘Actually, I do, Doctor.’

 

**‘Well?’**

 

‘I believe, the correct expression is “Don’t press it”.’

 

***

**

*

*

**

***

PART II

‘That is absolutely unacceptable!’

 

_‘Excuse me, sir, but everyone has to double. Tau-Upsilon IV doesn’t host inter-galaxy scientific conferences every day.’_

 

**‘Oh, come on, Spock. You didn’t mind sharing my head. Anyway, it’s only for a couple of nights, don’t get so jumpy.’**

 

‘Vulcans do not –’

**‘Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Told you to get some sleep, I could’ve handled an auto-piloted shuttle for a couple of hours.’**

 

‘ “Keep telling yourself that”, Doctor.’

 

**‘Wow! Do Vulcans snarl? No, don’t answer that. Lemme guess: peace, quiet, meditation and no emotional human beings around? Here. I’m going for a walk. The room’s all yours for the next hour. Just take my stuff up, will you?’**

 

***

**‘Sorry, Spock, figured if I’m gonna hanging around, I’d better have my ID – what the hell!’**

 

‘What does your pointless remark refer to this time?’

 

**‘Stop fucking with me, Spock! You’re shivering, for chrissake!’**

 

‘We are definitely not engaged into any sexual intercourse. Therefore, please, refrain from touching me.’

 

**‘Whatever you say. But – didn’t you just get worse? Look at me, dammit!’**

 

‘If you must know, Doctor, I do not specifically object to your touch. However, I cannot trust my mental shields at the moment.’

 

**‘But you do stop impersonating a frightened toy-terrier under my touch, don’t you?’**

 

‘It would seem so, but –’

 

**‘No buts. You don’t even have to shield. It’s not like there is something in my head you haven’t already seen. Just try to calm down, OK? See, nothing terrible happened.’**

 

‘Indeed, Doctor. For a non-telepathic being, you protect you mind with remarkable efficiency. I cannot be certain of the period when you were carrying my katra, but now I am receiving nothing from you but what you are willing to share, that is your desire to comfort me. Which, I must admit, is very – comforting.’

 

**‘Be my guest.’**

 

 

***

**‘Spock?’**

 

‘Yes, Doctor?’

 

**‘Do you really have to hold my hand?’**

 

‘Not necessarily. Since you are not Vulcan, your hands are no more suitable for transferring phyonic energy than any other part of your body. The process, however, does require skin-to-skin contact. Where would – ’

 

**‘Forget it!’**

 

***

‘ **Feeling better?’**

 

‘Yes, thank you.’

 

**‘Don’t get up. I want to run a few scans.’**

 

‘Doctor, there is no reason for you concern. It was merely –’

 

**‘Yeah, a moment lapse of concentration. Vulcan mind voodoo. Nothing good meditation can’t correct. Sorry, Spock, not gonna buy it this time. Much as I hate stealing your trademark stating the obvious, one doesn’t meditate face down to a pillow trembling like a leaf.’**

 

‘If you had returned in one hour, you would have found me in adequate state.’

 

**‘I have no doubt about that. But you didn’t answer my question.’**

 

‘I was unaware you had posed one.’

 

**‘Fine. Two can play this game. Let’s refer to the facts.**

**‘About two month ago I discovered your mind was somehow freaking out. You made it clear you didn’t want medical help and intended to clean the mess up by meditation. For the next ten days you spent almost every off-duty hour in your quarters presumably meditating. Finally, you took two-week leave for personal reasons. Yet, you came back in less than a week. My medical opinion is after that you went from simply unsettled to completely depressed. And, as a mere observation, five days is not even enough to go to Vulcan and back, let alone undergo any sort of treatment. My logical conclusion is meditation didn’t help you, and neither did whatever you tried instead. Am I right? I know I am.**

**‘Nevertheless, you resumed you duties both on the ship and in the Academy. Jim and the rest of the crew might now openly believe you invincible, but they’d never failed to inform me when you’d been bleeding all over the bridge. Yet, this time none of them seemed to notice there was anything wrong with you.**

**‘That was part one. Wanna hear part two?**

**‘We were locked together in VSA med lab for days, playing guinea pigs for all those pointy-eared shamans. We spent like two weeks in an invisible bird of prey in the middle of 20 th century San-Francisco. We were court-martialed together. We are still assigned to the same ship and I conduct first-aid training for your class. In total, it’s been almost six month since we both went through that [fal-tor-pan](http://www.starbase-10.de/vld/main.php?cmd=details&id=139)** **thing – ’**

 

‘Five months, thirteen days.’

 

**‘Whatever. Do you know how many times we actually talked during that time? I mean real talking, not reviewing reports or being in the same room with a lot of other people? Five, Spock, five! And every single time I was the one to start it.**

**‘We just spent twenty-eight hours in that goddamn shuttle, and all the time you were staring at the controls as if they were gonna run away. And as soon as we got here, you just locked yourself in the room and started falling apart.**

**‘Now, would it be terribly illogical to assume you avoid me ‘cause around me you’re physically uncomfortable?**

**‘I thought as much.**

**‘So, I ask you again, Spock. What’s your fuckin’ problem?**

**‘And don’t you dare give me any “my problem is nothing of that kind” bullshit, or, I swear – ’**

 

‘Actually, Doctor, your description was relatively accurate, if vulgar.’

 

**‘What? I thought your crazy Coolinar stunt left your emotionless enough to spare such problems.’**

 

‘That is correct. However, my Kohlinahr training was eliminated by memory loss.’

 

**‘You said you recovered.’**

 

‘I said I was in possession of virtually the same amount of information as prior to the incident. However, Kohlinahr training does not consist of studying. Physiologically, “purging all emotions” requires constant conscious control of one’s brain functions. Such knowledge cannot be memorized back.’

 

**‘Just don’t tell me you’re thinking of going back to that hellish place! Remember, all that little things beyond logic?’**

 

‘I might consider returning to Gol in the future, but it is not a matter of my immediate concern.’

 

**‘Yeah, right. Get to the point.’**

 

‘Lt. Saavik informed me that my experience on Genesis had included re-living my first pon farr. She had been kind enough to help me resolve it.’

 

**‘You mean, you’re married to her now? Oh, shit! I mean, is it even legal, you being from the same clan and she is so young and – ’**

 

‘ – and I am her mentor as well as her superior officer. No, Doctor, it is definitely not appropriate. That is why lt. Saavik chose to stay behind on Vulcan. Even though, practically speaking, our bonding did not occur.’

 

**‘How so?’**

 

‘As you are well aware, Doctor, the essence of tel-tor is creating permanent link between the bondmates’ minds – ’

 

**‘And said rite couldn’t be completed as at the moment you didn’t exactly have a mind to do so.’**

 

‘Doctor, this conversation will be much more productive, should you refrain from interrupting my every sentence. Yes, once again, you a correct.

‘However, we both know from previous experience that I am capable of surviving improperly resolved pon farr due to my human heritage. Now with the percentage of my human DNA increased, the odds are even higher.

‘Anyway, I was unaware of the occurrence prior to my conversation with Lt. Saavik. I was not experiencing any ill effects, so I chose not to reveal the information to anyone – and neither will you – ever – unless you wish to bring shame and disgrace upon both Lt. Saavik and myself and thus upon my entire clan.

‘When my katra was restored, I did not obtain any memories concerning my sojourn on Genesis. As the matter of fact, I still have no memories about the events following transferring my katra to you. It took some time to perceive that my mind had to adjust to a body slightly different from the one it had been used to. Once my mind finally traced the after-effects of pon farr, it has begun trying to locate a mating bond.’

 

**‘And – ’**

 

‘Apparently, it attempts to transform the residual link between our minds into one.’

 

**‘Holy fuck! Did you just say you are married to me instead?’**

 

‘Not precisely, Doctor. I would never willingly establish such a bond, and your own mind provides enough protection. But given you remarkable ability to share your mental energy, every time you direct a caring thought to me, even in your unique way, it is – becoming exceedingly difficult to prevent you from accidentally sealing the bond.’

 

**‘So, basically, when I’m shouting at you, your mind believes we’re having sex or something? Shit, Spock, can’t you just – I don’t know, break that stupid link?’**

‘I have considered the option’

**‘Well, what stopped you?’**

‘It would seem that you did.’

 

**‘Care to elaborate?’**

 

‘As neither of us has any distinct memories concerning the interaction of your mind with my katra, I conducted my own research – ’

 

**‘You asked around!’**

 

‘I believe I said so. Well, several crew members stated that while the Enterprise had been heading back for Earth, on multiple occasions you had displayed extreme hostility towards anyone who as much as mentioned my name. Once you had been fully informed of the situation, your outbursts had eventually ceased. They had not given it much thought, in fact, they seem to believe it had been your way to cope.’

 

**‘But now you think I fought tooth and nail some unknown substance bearing your face, but once I learned it was really you inside my head I stopped throwing crazy fits and made sure you stayed there safely?**

**‘It’s just great, isn’t it? I – accidentally! – not-exactly-married a Vulcan – male! Shit, Spock. When were you going to tell me?**

**‘Wait. You weren’t gonna tell me at all, you green-blooded bastard, were you?’**

 

‘No, I was not. The risk was unacceptable.’

**‘Why, goddammit?’**

 

‘Because the link appears to be created by you and thus can only be eliminated from your side. And since you lack the skills the operation requires, if you insisted on severing the bond it would be necessary for us to go back to Vulcan and to seek assistance from a healer.’

 

**‘What do you mean, “if’? Of course I want the damn thing gone like last week.**

**‘Well, I mean I don’t wanna cause you shame or disgrace or whatever, but I’ve learned oh-so-well your people’d rather agree to shake hands and smile than to discuss one’s personal affairs. Surely no-one will ask. And if they do, well, Vulcans don’t lie, but I can.’**

 

‘You assumption is quite accurate, doctor, but even with the background omitted the matter cannot be disclosed without dire consequences for my entire family.’

**‘Don’t your healers have Doctor-Patient confidentiality, or something?’**

‘They certainly do, but unless we can keep it a private matter of my clan, we will have to seek assistance from a public institution, where the procedure will be conducted according to Vulcan law.’

 

**‘Well, I can see why the former is not an option. Lady T’Pau doesn’t exactly strike me as the model of tolerance and it’s bad enough the rightful heir of the house of Surak is half-human. When you come to think of it, it’s weird you’re the rightful heir at all. Your father had to have a proper Vulcan childhood bondmate, didn’t he?**

**‘Oh, hell, where did this come from? Just forget it. None of my business, really. What’s the catch with Vulcan law?’**

 

‘It states that a wife that wishes to leave her husband must either call for [kal-if-fee](http://www.starbase-10.de/vld/main.php?cmd=details&id=10447), or prove the husband has another consort.’

 

**‘You mean they will try to catch one of us cheating on the other?’**

 

‘I mean they will search my mind for alternative mating bonds.’

 

**‘Hey! Who says you are the husband?’**

 

‘The law was designed to guarantee a rejected husband either quick and honorable death or means to survive his next pon farr. And I am clearly the one with the problem.’

 

**‘Clever. So, how much time do we have?**

**‘Come on, Spock. I'm still your doctor. And I already know Vulcans do have sex, so no need to be shy.’**

 

‘I am not certain.’

 

**‘What?!!’**

 

‘According to Lt. Saavik, when I entered Pon Farr on Genesis I looked about seventeen standard years old: much younger than my original experience, undoubtedly due to altered genetic sequence. For the same reason the healers have managed to only roughly establish the age I finally achieved.’

 

**‘Oh, isn’t it just great? You have an alien telepathic bond in your head, and right while we are talking it slowly but surely disrupts the little you have left of your emotional stability. For all we know, tomorrow you might get pon farr on top of unresolved pon farr after-effects. Moreover, as we can’t be sure about the exact mechanisms of Genesis-based accelerated growth, said effects may very well be integrated into your genetic structure. You might be able to live with it, but who says your kids are gonna be that lucky, especially should they be mostly Vulcan?**

**‘So what the hell were you thinking? Do you really hope the mess will go away if you ignore it long enough?’**

 

‘Would your violent emotional response be different few months ago or few months later?’

 

**‘Probably not. But nor would my eventual decision: if you can’t break the bond and can’t seek another bondmate in your current condition, there is only one logical solution.**

**‘You will complete the bond, get you natural emotional suppressants back online and probably even that stupid pon farr out of your system – what the hell, your entire body is one big medical nonsense now anyway. Then you will have nice long rest and meanwhile I will cure whatever damage your idiotic stubbornness might have caused. Then, and only then, you will try again to severe the bond: if I got the theory right, a two-way link should be breakable from both sides. And if it is not, well, you will have to teach me. I might be an illogical human, but you told me yourself, my brain should be worth something if it didn’t come leaking from my ears after the Mirror You messed with it.’**

 

‘You do not understand what you doom yourself to.’

 

**‘Don’t I? I’m the one who had your mental essence giving hard time to mine! Hell, I knew I’d end up stuck neck-deep in some Vulcan mind voodoo ever since that field hospital on Anitra VIII. Remember, when all the equipment went down, and every time you had to connect me to the next patient you asked permission to touch my mind till I finally had enough and barked “now and ever”, and you went all dead serious and asked if I absolutely meant it. Like inviting a vampire into your house.**

**‘What, no logical comment on blood-sucking creatures and their special powers?’**

 

‘I cannot guarantee the bond will be ever broken.’

 

**‘Well, I can guarantee you are facing a severe nervous breakdown in two weeks tops, followed only by further deterioration of your higher brain functions.’**

 

‘You seem to forget that the link, even though not precisely a mating bond, is very likely to make you the object of my next pon farr.’

 

**‘And you seem to forget that before you retreated to Gol I had almost four years of thinking that one of my best friends somehow has to deal with his next pon farr without a mate.’**

 

‘It is not that I question your skills, Doctor, but Vulcan scientists have been trying to solve this problem for over five hundred years, and they still have not succeeded.’

 

**‘I concluded that much when I contacted some of them to discuss my research, and they pretended the problem never existed. We are not talking about the rest of the Vulcans here, Spock, we are talking about you. And we know from experience that your response to pon farr is not exactly typical. Moreover, what the Vulcans are looking for is a way to keep their heads clean and logical while having sex. Physiologically, it means partly eliminating one’s body’s natural reaction to its own inner processes. I can only offer you a short-term solution. That is to counteract the reagents released into your bloodstream. The drugs will probably still make you quite ill, but at least there will be no fuck-or-die issue.’**

 

‘Are you absolutely sure it will work?’

 

**‘As sure as I can be without actually trying.’**

 

‘What if it does not? I have already killed Jim in my plaq taw, and his physical strength far exceeds your own.’

 

**‘You did not kill Jim. He passed out from the neural paralyzer I injected him with. After all, your mother somehow managed to survive more than one pon farr, while she is a human female, and your father is a full-blooded Vulcan.**

**‘We’ll cross the bridge when we come to it, Spock. If it ever goes this far, I would certainly prefer you to attack me, not some random girl who happens to pass by.’**

 

‘Still, I would not ask that from you.’

 

**‘It’s not as if I ask YOU, Spock!**

**‘You just don’t get it, do you? Well, in case you failed to notice, let me remind you that there are at least six people who didn’t hesitate to fuck up their entire future in order to complete what at that time looked like a stupid Vulcan rite, just because it was important for you, even though you weren’t there to appreciate. Jim lost his ship – his son! – to get you back, and I’ll be damned if I let you throw it all to pigs just because in all these years you never managed to get it through that thick Vulcan skull of yours that your needs ARE relevant, if not to you then to your friends, yes, Spock, friends, who actually care for you and won’t have you all broken and miserable, especially if they can spare you this by what can hardly be called even a minor inconvenience!**

**‘Oh, shit, I’m doing that again, aren’t I? D’you know with a little more effort I could just walk past your shields, like knife and butter. Well, of course you do, but I guess the real problem is I know it.**

**‘I’d better leave you to your meditation. You really have to calm down and think about things. But let me tell you this, Spock: there’s no way I’m getting out of your head unless I’m absolutely sure you’ll live happily ever after. See you in one hour.’**

 

***

**

*

*

**

***

EPILOGUE

‘ – and thus, even though there are a number of theories suggesting otherwise, general empirical data indicates that chemical composition of blood (and so, its colour) is not directly connected with the average body temperature of a species.’

 

**‘Thank you, miss Eedhak. I’m glad to inform you that, although you will still have to pass First Aid Field Training, your knowledge of xenobiology is sufficient for you to enter the accelerated training program. Now, do you need a break, or can we pass directly to interspecies relations?’**

 

‘I am ready, Dr. McCoy, but isn’t professor Shplys in charge of that course?’

 

**‘Consider it your first question: Professor Shplys is a Denobulan.’**

 

‘At this time of the year close proximity to Orions disrupts their sleeping cycle to the point they become comatose.

‘Actually, humans also tend to react quite eagerly, yet you seem unaffected. Is it my next question?’

 

**‘No, your next question is to take this PADD and fill in the following chart with your own medical data as it should be presented to a) Starfleet Medical: b) Vulcan healer; c) Andorian Public hospital; d) a paramedic of Earth Ambulance Service; and e) unknown medical facility on a non-Federation planet.’**

 

_‘And the next question is to present four random Federation species to a civil medical facility of your homeworld. Some things never change. Fascinating.’_

 

**_‘Spock? Didn’t your Mom teach you it’s impolite to eavesdrop?’_ **

_‘You are being illogical once again, Leonard. Your mental training is now sufficient to shield the thoughts you do not wish to share. And I did not attempt to conceal my presence, which contradicts the definition of eavesdropping. However, if said presence is disturbing you, I shall leave.’_

**_‘Oh, come on, hobgoblin. That’s just, shouldn’t you be elsewhere but in my head? Like attending the engagement of the third grand duke of the Andorian Empire?’_ **

_‘The ceremony is not requiring my full attention.’_

**_‘You mean you are bored. Must be really bad, then. I wanna see it.’_ **

_‘As you have stated, the event is not particularly entertaining.’_

**_‘Unlike you, I’m not invited to royal parties on daily basis. Anyway, it will take her ages to get past the paperwork.’_ **

_‘You only say so because you had managed to turn your examination paper into a pocket guide to human physiology before realising that sharing that kind of information with non-federation species is against Starfleet regulations.’_

**_‘Oh, look who’s talking! Someone whose Day One was celebrated by level one diagnostics all around San-Fran Starfleet Medical, because he omitted to mention he was only half Vulcan. Come on, Spock. Let me have a look!_ **

**_‘God damn it! You never mentioned an outdoor party. Please tell me your stupid bathrobe has some kind of climate-control!’_ **

_‘That “stupid bathrobe” is the traditional ceremonial attire of my clan.’_

**_‘I don’t care if Surak designed it personally! It’s freezing out there and you’re wearing a silk cloak!’_ **

_‘As you know, I am capable of controlling my body functions.’_

**_‘You can control your shivering, probably circulation. But in the end no Vulcan mind voodoo will block hypothermia and frostbites.’_ **

_‘Leonard, please, calm down.’_

**_‘I’ll calm down when I want to. Which means when you’re back in the embassy with heat on maximum.’_ **

_‘As you wish. However, let me remind you that you are not alone and you have a tendency to let your emotions show on your face.’_

**_‘I’ll give you emotions, you green-blooded_ ** **– what?!**

**‘Oh, sorry, miss Eedhak, I got distracted. Have you finished yet?’**

 

‘No, but I would like to ask if I am allowed to use the universal translator or do I have to fill in the respective documents in Vulcan and Andorian’

 

**‘The Basic Federation Languages course is still a part of the abridged program, so the translator is allowed. But it will certainly earn you some extra points if you can actually write Andorian and especially Vulcan.’**

 

‘That’s it! Vulcan!’

 

**‘I beg your pardon?’**

 

‘Telepathic species are generally immune to Orion pheromones and have been known to protect their mates from the effects as well. Are you married to a Vulcan, Dr. McCoy?’

 

**_‘Stop giggling, Spock!’_ **

_‘Vulcans do not – ’_

**_‘ – giggle, yes. But the cold must be getting to your brain, ‘cause you certainly are.’_ **

_‘Whatever you say, Leonard._ (Doctor McCoy!). _I believe the lady is still expecting your answer.’_

**_‘Eh?’_ **

 

‘Dr. McCoy, is it the right answer?’

_‘Indeed, Doctor?’_

**‘That ( _is not funny, Spock!_ ), as you, miss Eedhak, will certainly find out during your further studies of Interspecies Relations, is a wrong question.’ **

 

THE END

 

**Author's Note:**

> I neither consider nor disregard the books as Canon, I just haven’t read them.
> 
> I did check the Vulcan words (well, all four of them) in the VLD, I just didn’t like the spelling they offer. 
> 
> I hope my pseudo-science doesn’t contradict the TOS. As for the notions on Vulcan physiology in “Enterprise” and “Voyager”, I picked up those that suited my purposes and ignored the rest. And I could probably give you a logical explanation for my every choice, but that would make my comments longer than the text itself ;-).


End file.
